Anti-Bullying Program

There is one way to stop bullying, drug use and crime, but no one wants to do it because it seems a little harsh. It might be, but it would work.
Schools have bad kids go to tour prisons or have inmates come to schools and talk about how bad drugs are. It's not enough.
Here’s what they should do. Find the toughest kid in the school. The one who smokes, does drugs, picks on other kids. Makes them afraid to go to school.
Every school has at least ten of them. Find the baddest of the bad, put him on stage with the convict and let the convict tell his story and then rape him.
At the end, when the bully is rocking back and forth in tears with his arms around his knees like Glenn Close in the shower in Fatal Attraction, the convict puts it away, zips his pants and says, “Any questions?”

Fight Clubhouse

So the neighbors had a fight the other night so loud I could hear it through the floor.
The whole building could hear them going and it was the usual fight kind of thing like:
“GET THE F OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
“IT’S MY HOUSE.TOO!”
“I DON’T CARE! I PAID THE LAST MONTH’S RENT AND YOU OWE ME, YOU ASSHOLE!”
Better than reality TV.
And I have my ear to the door like a safecracker listening to it.
The only problem is, it got quiet and I couldn't catch the resolution of the conflict because by that time, they’ve stopped yelling.
It would have been nice if they could have finished the story they started by shouting. “WELL, PERHAPS I SHOULD BE MORE SENSITIVE TO YOUR FEELINGS!”
“AND I’LL TRY TO BE MORE CONSTRUCTIVE IN MY CRITICISM!
“YOUR MOTHER ISN’T A CUNT AND I’M SORRY I POINTED AND LAUGHED AT HER ARTIFICIAL LIMB!”
“I’M SORRY I FUCKED YOUR DAD!”
“IT’S OKAY, HE’S ALWAYS BEEN CURIOUS TO TRY IT WITH A GUY!”

Wide Awake in America

"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake. With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything's far away, everything's a copy." - Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.

For about three weeks now, I’ve been getting by on about four to fivehours of sleep a night. I’d been used to being shocked out of bed by an alarm clock that sounds like one the angry aliens from Mars Attacks screeching by my bedside.It could be a lot of things. It could be the change in financial status since Melly is working full time again. It could be the tensionof rushing through my daily commute to get my wife and son in the sameplace at the same time. It could be that my five average cups of coffee are playing Texas Hold Em in my nervous system. It’s definitelynot the fine lineup of infomercials on TV at 3 in the morning or the unreal array of reality shows on On Demand. I wake up, usually to go to the bathroom, and that’s it. I can’t get back to sleep. I can lay down. I can close my eyes. I can pretend I’m about to fall asleep, but that’s where the charade ends.